totally underwater

jemimaaslana:

goldenheartedrose:

jemimaaslana:

goldenheartedrose:

nerdydyke:

feministhistorian:

stfuhypocrisy:

thisgingersnapsback:

pales:

you literally just posted the largest amount of shit i have ever read in my entire fucking life and i just hope you know what a stupid piece of shit you are

It’s like these people think I care or something.

Wahh wahhh wahhh! I was nice to you! You’re supposed to go out with me when I’m nice to you! Why didn’t you go out with me? Wahhhhh!!!! I’m entitled dammit!

Somebody call the waaaahhhhmublance.

Men who have entitlement complexes piss me off to no fucking end. No women has to like you because you decide to do nice things for them. If a woman did everything Toby did she would be seen as a creep, a stalker, desperate and told to get a life. Toby wants you to feel bad for him because the girl he liked didn’t like him back. Instead of trying to befriend Zoey, Toby goes out of his way to be nice to her to get her to go out with him. Maybe, just maybe, Toby could have treated her like an actual human being and maybe he would have become good friends with Zoey. Who knows, maybe Zoey would have fallen for her friend instead of most likely viewing him as the creep who wouldn’t leave her alone.

 I don’t know. This doesn’t sound like a moment where he’s feeling entitled. If anything he sounds possibly socially awkward and has been rejected by her multiple times. I’d be annoyed too if I bought tickets then took them then went with someone else.

It sounds a lot like she’s going off of the “oh my god, he’s such a loser, I’m not going to give him a chance!”. I’ve seen women do this too. I’ve seen them actually explain to me that that was their reason for not going out with someone. It’s petty. It’s stupid, and sometimes girls can be dicks.

It also sounds as if he DID try to get to know her, he knew her favorite band. He’s also a friend of hers on facebook. If she seriously thought he was a creep or uncool then she wouldn’t have done that, it would have hurt her image or some crap like that.

I hate when people are so judgmental and will take or make any reason to degrade, harass, and devalue someone.  It doesn’t make you a better person. Stop it.

I can see both sides, but honestly, it just looks to me like the guy is saying “we’re not all dicks, and these are some of the things you might not have noticed that I’ve done in the past few years”.  What his intentions were, well, no one can really say that but him.  It could be that he was trying to be a nice person but was socially awkward or it could be that he was trying to get a date.  No, of course she’s not obligated to like him just because he’s being a “nice guy”.  But making generalizations about guys is wrong, too (“boys are dicks”).  

Uhhh “might not have noticed”?

Begging a teacher to become someone else’s science partner WITHOUT THEM BEING IN ON IT is unarguably creepy as shit. You’re soliciting their non-consensual company. You are asking someone to force someone else to spend time with you. This is fucked up. And this is the only thing she couldn’t have known about.

He suggested she come around 5 times and each time she said no. I’m pretty she’ll have noticed that. I mean, she responded to his suggestions. That indicates some amount of interaction on her part. So she was definitely aware. He sent her cards, candy and roses… unless he sent them without his name attached, she will have noticed this too. He asked her to dance and she responded. Oh yeah, she noticed him. And then actively avoided him, because she was trying to let him down gently. You know how women aren’t supposed to tell people straight up that we’re not interested? And if we do we might get hurt? Yeah, she was probably raised in the same world, so that’s what she was doing.

A girl, posting on her face book status about her frustration with boys obviously has a direct line to something that just happened. Generalisations are never fair, but sometimes that doesn’t matter. That’s why POC can rant about white people, it’s why auties can rant about allistics. Yeah, we all know that not everyone is awful, but you know what? That hardly matters if the majority of those you interact with are.

Those who feel targeted by such generalisations are usually those who need to take a long look at themselves and change a few things. This facebook example fits that bill.

He’s not writing her to tell her of his great love for her. If he had the courage to do so after this status update, he could have had the courage to do so in private. He is not doing this to charm her. He is doing this to show the world (facebook) how this girl is a bad person for having exposed herself to bad experiences with other boys when he would have been her date all along. He is not showing her a damn thing, he’s showing himself off to the world as the arbiter of whether or not she’s allowed to be frustrated with other people in her life.

“And now in year 11 I’m confessing all of this, on facebook, where everyone can see”.

He’s perfectly aware of what he’s doing. And if he viewed this as a confession of something shameful, he wouldn’t have showed the world. No. This is not HIS confession. This is his demonstration of why SHE should confess - preferably her love for him - this is his way of enlisting the entirety of facebook to back him up in pressuring her to apologise to him for not falling in love with him in return. And his choice of words shows that he knows damn well what he’s doing.

Studies have shown that men(and boys) are not actually inept at picking up signs that people don’t want anything to do with them. They just ignore this ability of theirs whenever the person rejecting them is a woman they want to date.

Social awkwardness my arse. His attempts at wooing her were not that strange (except for that move with the teacher. Ew.). Asking people to spend time with you, sending them Valentine’s cards, candy and flowers, asking them to dance and buying concert tickets are not socially awkward things to do to show your interest. They are perfectly normal and regular things to do. And he did them. And she noticed and rejected him the way women are raised to reject people - by not rejecting them directly.

This is the kind of by the book rejection he can see modeled everywhere. In films, books, anything. This is not social awkwardness. This an entitled boy thinking this girl’s a dick for not wanting to be his date. This is an entitled boy who thinks this girl’s a dick for daring to have feelings concerning boys that are not him - it is after all not a coincidence that he posted this entitled rant as a response to her having feelings about boys that are not him rather than, say, posting it directly to her wall or in a message as a stand-alone effort from him. The fact that this thing was prompted by her frustrated status update tells us everything we need to know. And it isn’t social awkwardness it’s telling us about.

You bring up many excellent points. I hadn’t seen it exactly that way, perhaps because of the way I was brought up (which was a very religious, “good girl” sort of way), not to mention that I missed huge glaring clues regarding relationships with peers (which worked for me in some ways and against me in others). I compromised my own safety because of how clueless I was (because no one thought to teach me about these things), and I only see that looking back now. Thanks for the informative post, truly.

No problem. (I edited a huge addendum into the post btw) There’s a huge sore spot for me regarding how so much really asshatty behaviour is excused with social awkwardness. The next step is usually “OMG you shouldn’t be so judgmental, he might have Asperger’s!” and I see this a lot.

Social awkwardness is real enough, and I don’t deny that. Social awkwardness can be utterly ruinous for one’s social life. But social awkwardness is just that: awkwardness - often in combination with shyness.

The fact that guys like this dude gets the “socially awkward” label seems to me to speak of how relations between the two genders in the faulty binary perception of the world are supposed to be “Do x, then she’ll do y. Tell her x, then she’ll agree to y. Give her x, then she’ll give you y.” And whenever someone does x and the counterpart does not reciprocate with y, it’s because he’s socially awkward. Every time one of these privileged dudes is “socially awkward”, it’s because he pushed all the buttons he was supposed to push, and still the robot-woman didn’t do like the user’s manual told him she would. So the robot-woman must be faulty; ie. a dick.

The thing is, things don’t work like that. People are, strangely, individuals with individual preferences. And it is always the individual girl or woman getting attacked by the Nice Guy(TM) when she didn’t ignore her individual preferences and respond to his button-pushing like the robot he expected her to be. And that makes HIM socially awkward? Because he expected a woman to be a robot, and then got pissy when she wasn’t? Uhm… right. No.

Even the most socially awkward aspie/autie can see that people are so incredibly different in how they react to different things. That is, in fact, one of our big problems, since we’re often very poor at predicting and sensing those things, and we’ve long since learned that just because it’s okay to say one thing to one person, another might smack us if we say it to them. Even we can figure this out after a few lessons learned. Everyone else ought to be able to as well. People are bloody complicated, and anyone with even half their attention on the object(person) of their affections, will notice this. But half the time in situations like the above, the one doing the wooing is not interested in the person they’re wooing, they’re just interested in their own idea of the person, and so they look to their own idea for wooing-ideas, rather than actually work in the real world.

And that’s not social awkwardness. That’s being willfully ignorant.

(via torayot)